it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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