Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
