It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
