you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Can Purell be used as lube?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
