Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
