so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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