Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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