the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
