Me too!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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