The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
