do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
