hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
