It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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