i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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