Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Randomize
