She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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