I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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