I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
