Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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