Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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