all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
