Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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