Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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