I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
