Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
