well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
