How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
