A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
