So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i think i just lost a toe
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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