my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish i was in the wii world.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
