if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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