I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
