We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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