i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
