Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I touched a dick in church today
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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