looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
