Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
