and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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