New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
