Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
