See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
