Are we in a gay sports bar?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
