Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think I won the penis lottery.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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