I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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