I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
