White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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