did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
