I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
