i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
