First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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