We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
