So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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