I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
