Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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