We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
