anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
