If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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