Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
