gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
